Dear families,
As we head into our first school year under the new Australian Federal Government restriction on social media for under-16s, I wanted to write to you not just as an educator, but also as a parent navigating the same challenges. This change has landed differently for each family in our community, depending on the ages of your children, your household routines, and your cultural expectations around technology.
For those with younger children, the ban might feel like a distant concern - something you’ll deal with “one day.” For families in upper primary, it may have fast-tracked some tough conversations around phone upgrades, online gaming, or “everyone else has it.” Parents of older teens, especially those who were 16 by December 10th, probably felt more of a ripple than a wave. But for many of our families, especially those whose children were already active online, December was a month of negotiations, emotions, and in some homes, conflict.
As a parent myself to three kids - ages 11, 16 and 20 - I’ve lived three very different journeys with technology. (And yes, our 16-year-old was banned for exactly one day before his birthday!) We still jokingly say we gave our eldest a phone in Year 7 “too early,” not because she begged, but because we honestly feared she’d be left out socially or stranded without us on bus trips. Data-free plans weren’t a thing yet and, of course, every one of her friends had a device. It felt like saying ‘no’ was denying her belonging.
Our middle child simply never cared much for screens, which felt like winning the parenting lottery. But with our youngest, we started seeing those familiar early signs of wanting to “be online like everyone else.” So, when the government brought in this new legislation, we felt quietly relieved – like someone had finally backed the instincts many of us felt but struggled to act on alone.
Thankfully, our eldest grew into a grounded, accomplished young adult – Faith Captain, dual subject dux, and now studying at the University of Melbourne. But it took daily mentoring: helping her set boundaries, recognise unhealthy online patterns, prioritise friendships, sleep, and faith. And even with all that, it often felt like we were pushing back against forces far bigger than us.
It’s hard to deny that constant access to social media has changed the landscape of adolescence – shaping attention spans, rewiring brains, and shifting the balance of influence away from families. Even before smartphones, teens have always looked to each other first, a perfectly natural and God-given desire to bond. But the algorithms driving today’s platforms have amplified that pull in ways we couldn’t have imagined two decades ago.
As Communications Minister Anika Wells bluntly put it: “You can’t out-parent a predatory social media algorithm. That’s why we’re delaying access.”
After 25 years working with young people, I’ve watched technology evolve from Blackberries to today’s always-on apps. The pace of tech far exceeds the pace of human development. And our children have been caught in that gap. Their relationships, sleep, social-emotional growth, and sense of identity have all been affected – sometimes deeply.
So where does that leave our Heathdale community?
Despite our rock-solid Christian foundations, we’re not immune to modern pressures. Our values are often in tension with a world pushing for constant comparison, instant gratification, and digital noise. But this moment also gives us – as parents and carers – a task, and an opportunity, to step into our young people’s lives as we raise our children as best we can in the image of Christ.
The task…
Legally, parents and schools aren’t obligated to police the ban. The responsibility sits with tech companies. But we all know that what’s written on paper and what happens in real homes aren’t the same.
Many parents spent late December dealing with frustration, arguments, tears, or attempts at rule-bending. If this was you, please know you weren’t alone. For some kids, their attachment to social media wasn’t just emotional, it had become biological. The human need for connection, gifted to us by God, had been rewired into a commercial product.
The opportunity...
With the new school year beginning, we have space to reset.
As a Christian community, we believe God has entrusted us with both the privilege and responsibility of raising young people with strong foundations. This partnership between home and school is powerful – we walk this extra mile together, not because we must, because we want to. When we begin building trust, faith, and connection from early childhood, we have something to draw from during the teenage years.
We know online community isn’t the same as one built face-to-face. Jesus modelled strong relationships rooted in unconditional love, regardless of social standing, appearance or wealth. Many parents have already noticed that heavy screen time often reduced their child’s enthusiasm for family outings, meaningful conversations, or simple time together.
If your child has recently come off social media, you may find they want more of your attention, not less. It may feel demanding, but it’s actually a gift. We’re invited to be present again, to lead gently, to listen deeply. Indeed, 2 Peter 1:10 calls us to “be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”
Re-engagement requires quality time. As parents, we also need to model reduced screen use ourselves – something I, too, need to work on consistently. Good habits take time, for all of us.
Another opportunity sits within our broader community. Some families may have taken a more permissive approach to the ban, whether out of exhaustion, cultural dynamics, or differing beliefs about independence. That can create pressure among friendship groups – what some describe as ‘the haves and have-nots’.
One of the best things we can do is reconnect with each other as parents. Reach out. Have those awkward but important conversations. Agree on boundaries. By working together, families empower each other and themselves to maintain healthy boundaries. When I was growing up, all parents had each other’s landline numbers – it wasn’t optional. That kind of shared accountability protected us, and it can protect our kids now.
Ephesians 4:14–15 gives us timely wisdom:
“So that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”
If we speak truth in love, all of us in the Heathdale Christian College community – students, families and educators – can walk together towards Christ.
If you have thoughts or experiences you want to share about the ban, I’d welcome your email at acoghlan@heathdale.vic.edu.au.
Blessings,
Anthony Coghlan Director of Student Wellbeing